Title: The Commodore's Corset Author: Eris/Darklady Erisa Rating: PG (just in case) Warnings: Slash (surprise) absurdity Summary: Due to an unwise comment to Elizabeth, our Commodore ends up in a corset, and Jack has to rescue him. The Commodore's Corset or Oh No, Here We Go Again. by Eris/Darklady Erisa * * * Elizabeth glared at him balefully. "Well, I'd like to see you try to breathe in a corset!" "I would do better than to faint and fall off a cliff when someone had just asked me to marry them," he said stiffly. "It can't be that difficult." As everyone agreed later, he should have known better. * * * And so it was that Commodore James Norrington stood looking out over the ocean, Elizabeth chattering cheerfully away at him. To him. Whatever.He was having considerable trouble concentrating on the conversation. But then, he was having trouble just breathing, far more than he had expected, in fact, when he first agreed to this. I must have been insane. Abruptly dizzy, James quit trying to breathe all together. As the newly wed Mrs Turner turned to speak to him, one of those brilliantly happy smiles gracing her face, he swayed and toppled of the edge of the wall. Meeting Elizabeth's shocked gaze he had one last thought as he lapsed into unconsciousness. At least she knows how I feel, now. * * * It was an almost familiar scene. Jack swore furiously before stripping off his effects and diving after the Commodore. Gold brocade and corsets and unconsciousness didn't make for much more swimming ability than heavy dresses, corsets and unconsciousness. He had no doubt that they would try and capture him again for this. Why me? He refrained from sighing, holding his breath as he stripped off Norrington's jacket and corset... huh? What's he doing wearing that? With an effort Jack made it to the surface - with the Commodore - before breaking out laughing. * * * This time the guards didn't need to be told twice - or even once - before handcuffing Jack and taking him into custody, and Jack didn't even blink before taking the Commodore hostage. Much more efficient all round.The pirate captain tugged sharply on the handcuffs he had looped securely around the now conscious Commodore's throat, sending the man stumbling into him. Must be the practice, I guess. "My effects, gentlemen." He gestured imperiously to the guards, who obligingly handed them over. "If you would be so kind?"Unlike Elizabeth , and despite the chain still looped around his neck, James glared balefully at him. "No I will not be so kind," he spat. Jack blinked slowly back at him, stunned. James, dripping wet with his shirt plastered to his body and dark hair almost falling into furiously flashing emerald eyes, looked quite different to the Commodore with his wig and his uniform and his emotions all shut up behind pompous naval propriety. Far more irresistible that's for sure. Jack being Jack, and James being his prisoner, it was a simple matter for the pirate to give the handcuffs another tug. One that pulled James close enough for Jack to kiss him mercilessly. Which he did. Shock replaced anger as warm lips touched his, and James froze rigid in Jack's arms. It occurred to him gradually that he really ought to be struggling, so he did. Halfheartedly at best, those lips far too soft and infinitely distracting. Failing, to his relief, to escape, he sighed softly and relaxed into the kiss, opening his mouth to allow Jack to explore every corner of it. He whimpered softly, pleading, and pressed closer, heat curling in his groin. Too soon, Jack withdrew slightly, his gaze intent and almost wary. He seemed to be waiting for Jamie to react. Collecting scattered thoughts with an effort, the Commodore closed the gap between them, kissing the pirate back until he moaned helplessly and bucked against him. They broke apart gasping, each leaning against the other for support, and James shivering slightly in Jack's arms, because almost being drowned did that to him and he had had a very bad day. Not counting the last few minutes, he amended. Dark almost-black eyes met his, all smoky with pleasure, and a measure of delight and surprise in them that was equal to his own for all that the pirate had started it. The guards stirred restlessly, and Jack, started out of his daze, turned and snapped at them. "Don't move. Or the Commodore here gets it!" It wasn't, under the circumstances, the most believable threat imaginable, but it did the trick. Much later, it occurred to Norrington to be grateful for the interruption, considering the likely alternatives and the potential for embarrassment inherent in them. * * * A small but lovely commandeered sailboat later, Jack sat cross-legged on the deck of the Pearl picking idly at the lock of his handcuffs with his dagger. Jamie sprawled out next to him, the sun well on its way to providing him with dry clothes. "I think it's just as well I pulled you out," Jack commented idly. "Wouldn't do to have the world missing such a lovely fellow as yourself. Would be as bad as me getting killed almost." Half jokingly he added "I love you, will you marry me?" Then leaned over and kissed him again, to wipe that ridiculously stunned _expression off his face. James waited patiently until Jack had finished ravaging his mouth to answer. "Since you asked so nicely, I guess I'll have to won't I?" he said, delighting in Jack's astonishment. "You mean..?" "Yes, you silly pirate, of course I'll marry you." * * * Later, in a sudden bout of common sense, they had the rocks removed from that area of the fort wall. * * * * * * * * Eris, Goddess of Discord, First Lady of the Order of Chaos * * * Bonus Features: 50 word sequel starring two convincing original characters. "Well?" A tinge of impatience was revealed. "Make up your mind. Did Jack Sparrow molest Commodore Norrington, or did Commodore Norrington molest Jack Sparrow?" "Um." He shifted uncomfortably. "I think they were molesting each other, actually." "Oh?" An elegantly raised eyebrow added emphasis. "They seemed to be enjoying it, too." 50 word sequel starring three words, only one of which I could find in the dictionary. "Elizabeth? About the corset..." "Yes?" Norrington's tone turned forbidding. "Don't even think of saying I told you so." "You, you catamite!" Technically accurate, but I don't care for your tone, young lady." "Bouffant, then. Or jip boom." "And don't use words I don't understand." "Jack's a pirate, you moron." "Huh?" 26 word excerpt from dictionary illustrating what I am up against. Starring: one deliberate typo. Catamite, n. Sodomite's minion Sodomite, n. Person practising sodomy Sodomy, n. Copulation between male persons; unnatural connection between human beings and animals. Copulation, n. Sexual onion. * * *